Possibilities Beyond Borders

          Lately, I’ve been thinking way too deep than I usually do. What does my future hold? Will I be able to manage things the way I’m used to? Or will it be such a challenge now that I’m about to enter the world of reality and endless possibilities? Whenever I think about graduation, I feel happy, sad, brave, scared, overwhelmed, confused, excited, frustrated and a whole lot more of mixed emotions packed in one. I’ve been completely torn between choices and options. But what’s the difference between the two? None. Because either way, I’m bound to make decisions, those of which will make or break the path I’m opt to take. 

          But what makes me more utterly baffled is that, I’m not really good at making decisions. Whenever I take a look at the weight of things, I tend to consider the pros and cons in a careless manner which results to disappointments and regrets. Of all things I hate, I don’t like being disappointed. I extremely dislike the feeling and the fact that I put so much effort and expectation on a certain thing, but ends up letting it slip my hands and worse, not getting it. Gah, just the thought of it makes me want to continue this writing in SHOUTY CAPITALS. Like that. Hahaha. =)) Oh, the irony. But somehow, I get hints from people around me. There’s always room for 2nd opinion, even 3rd, 4th, 5th and so on.

          Regarding my hotel practicum, it’s been weeks since a hotel called me for an interview. But lately, there had been none, and it makes me panic because I feel like I’m running out of time. Most of my batchmates have already been preparing their requirements for OJT (i.e. transcripts, certifications, recommendation letters, medical clearances, etc.). And what’s more, others have started training mid-October already. I envy them. :|

          Well, technically, I already have a hotel to hold my practicum: Best Western Oxford Suites Makati. But in some way, I’m not whole-heartedly confident about it. Why? Let me enumerate that for you.

1. HOTEL CLASSIFICATION. I have no idea if Best Western is a 3 or 4-star hotel. Google somewhat posted varying ratings which were based on reviews from TripAdvisor, Agoda and other travel blog sites. I’m kinda aiming for 5. 
2. REQUIRED TRAINING HOURS. Best Western asks for 500 hours of hotel training, but our course only requires 300 for completion (I think). 
3. GOING THERE AND BACK. The trip seems too exhausting. Even if it’s only one train ride from MRT Cubao Station to Buendia, I don’t have the strength and enthusiasm to keep up and squeeze myself in with the huge number of MRT passengers every day, six times a week, multiply that by 2. K I have tried it once for my interview, and I swore to myself I will never do it again. 
4. LOCATION MATTERS. Best Western is unfortunately at the heart of Makati’s Red Light District. Hotels, pubs and bars from left to right. You’ll see foreigners with girls dressed in miniskirts/shorts and cleavage-level tops. You get the picture. You know what I mean. 
5. ENVIRONMENT IS ANOTHER CONCERN. Even if Makati is one of the most clean and disciplined cities in Manila, I still cannot fathom the environment where the hotel is. I’m just scared. Okay, coward. I don’t know. A lot of things can happen. Even just by walking in the streets, I once imagined that someone might pick on me. Jeez, I can’t run too fast. And worse, I might be in heels if ever such thing happens. 

Best Western Oxford Suites Makati

(Photo taken from the Internet)

          And so last night, I asked for a sign. Is it going to be Best Western? Or should I wait for other hotels? For bigger opportunities? I hold at the thought not later than this morning. Miss Jo de Guzman, the one who interviewed me at Best Western, texted me once again after two dull weeks. Her text reads, “Can you start November 4 already?” The first thing that came to me was, “Is this the sign?” And so, I texted her back saying, “Yes miss, I can.” without hesitation.

          Have I made the right decision? Or is it one of my clumsy-reflex decisiveness? Now I’m starting to weigh things again. I asked my parents, my boyfriend Gelo, and my close friend Toni about this. They all said I should take the opportunity. They even added “Who knows, they might even absorb you for employment afterwards.” which I haven’t thought of. For now, the hotel asks me of one thing, my recommendation letter. And once I hand it to them, I could start my training. Oh, the thought of working in a hotel makes me want to jump with glee. But re-thinking my reasons for considering Best Western, my joys are flushed again with doubts and what ifs. I just hope I get to finalize everything. I know that there are risks, but hopefully, all will be well. I’m still hoping for something better though.

Taste Life the PUPian HRM Way. :)

          First semester of senior year must have been the BEST compared to all others i had through out my college life. It's the last semester i'll ever have minor subjects! No more cramming of projects and reports to pass within the week. No more events to plan and execute. No more homeworks, exams, paper works and others! It just feels so good to know that i have survived another school semester. :)

          Realizing it now, memories flash back, time had passed by so quickly. I remember when i first laid foot on the premises of the known Sintang Paaralan. I was very nervous to get my test permit. I was on my own and I have no idea where to get the freakin' piece of paper. So i called my mom and asked if she could come and pick me up. I was about to hurl. But minutes later, Mom came and she accompanied me to the Administration and Registration Office (ARO) to get my test permit.

          Anyway, i was browsing through some pictures and i can help but reminisce. (Hey, it's THROWBACK THURSDAY, by the way. ;p) These must have been the reasons why i love my chosen course: BACHELOR OF SCIENCE IN HOTEL AND RESTAURANT MANAGEMENT :)

*** All pictures were taken during First Semester, Senior Year. :)

Rizal Excursion.

August 2013.

Events Management Class - Group Seminars

Mobile Bars. August 2013.

The Bar Code: Highlighting Tea, Mobile Bar Entrepreneurship and Latte Art.

Hosted a seminar for Juniors. August 28, 2013.

Hotel Practicum Orientation: Waves of Challenges, Ocean of Opportunities.

I was head of Secretariat and Registration Committee. August 30, 2013.

1st PUP Annual Hospitality and Tourism Students Research Conference.

I was Co-Head of Secretariat and Registration Committee. September 4, 2013.

Rizal Finals - Noli Me Tangere, El Filibusterismo & Makamisa

Snapshots During Video Shoot. :) October 2013.

Tanglaw Run for Public Higher Education.

Aseana City, Roxas Boulevard, Pasay City. October 6, 2013

Foreign Language Final Requirement - Japanese Music Video

"Koisuru Fortune Cookie". October 2013.

5th Annual Hospitality Management Convention.

Manila Hotel. October 9, 2013.

Humanities Finals - A Variety Show Featuring Different Forms of Art

"The Last Full Show: Todo na to!" October 19, 2013.

I BELONG TO A GROUP I'M PROUD AND LOVE TO BE A PART OF. :)

Hotel Hunt!

Tis the season to be jolly, FA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA. =)) Not because it's less than a hundred days before Christmas, but because there's so many things to look forward to! :D

          The end of senior year's first semester is just weeks away! This only means that we're almost off to our Hotel Practicum. Most of us have been very busy preparing our resumes and/or curriculum vitae. This is how mine looks. :))

We make sure to make our resumes/cv's truthful and impressive. They serve as our key to our dream jobs and careers. Always remember... First impressions last! ;)

          Me and a couple of classmates started our hotel hunt last week. We started in Makati Area. We we're able to pass our resumes to hotels such as Ascott Makati, Dusit Thani Manila, The Penninsula Manila, Holiday Inn and Suites Makati and Hotel H2O.

Luckily, one of these hotels, specifically Dusit Thani Manila, messaged me yesterday for a scheduled exam and interview next week! :D Hoooraaay! :))

          We also roamed around Manila. The Manila Grand Opera Hotel, The Pan Pacific, Hyatt Hotel, Diamond Hotel and Traders were some of the hotels we're able to drop by.

          I have also tried sending my resume online. And guess what? I scheduled another interview! Best Western Oxford Suites Makati messaged me 2 days ago for an exam and screening next week. :)

          I just hope i get to pass my interviews. If not, i wish more hotels would contact me soon. More opportunities means more chances of getting my dream job/career. :) I'll keep my fingers crossed. :D

30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself

This is quite a good read. :)

Photo by: Rob Brucker

"When you stop chasing the wrong things you give

the right things a chance to catch you."

          As Maria Robinson once said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” Nothing could be closer to the truth. But before you can begin this process of transformation you have to stop doing the things that have been holding you back.

Here are some ideas to get you started:

1. Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.
2. Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on. No, it won’t be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
3. Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself. Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves.
4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. Yes, help others; but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
5. Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like every one else. Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
6. Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.
7. Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success. You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
8. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us. We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
9. Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.
10. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else.
11. Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place. Evaluate situations and take decisive action. You cannot change what you refuse to confront. Making progress involves risk. Period! You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.
12. Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
13. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely. It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
14. Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you. But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
15. Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others are doing better than you. Concentrate on beating your own records every day. Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.
16. Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own. Ask yourself this: “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”
17. Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you. You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough. But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past. You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation. So smile! Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.
18. Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate. Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself! And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too. If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.
19. Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.
20. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway. Just do what you know in your heart is right.
21. Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.
22. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
23. Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done.
24. Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don’t take the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.
25. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
26. Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.
27. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out. But making one person smile CAN change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. So narrow your focus.
28. Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years?” If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
29. Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
30. Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs. Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.

Reblogged from http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/12/11/30-things-to-stop-doing-to-yourself/

Bed Weather

          Humans, as we are created always seeking, can never be contented. One thing is for sure: Change is constant and it is inevitable. There are instances that even if we have all the things we needed and wanted, there will always be something missing. And we, as skeptics, continue ti look for them even if we don't actually know what or where they are.

          Why am i talking about this? Simple because i have nothing to do (since classes are suspended) and there are so many things running on my mind. I have a feeling that i've been over-thinking again and the only remedy to get over this kind of situation is to write (even if some of the things i'm saying are complete nonsense utters).

          Talk about writing, i was asked to make an article for our department's newspaper/magazine: The Mirepoix Pub.But somehow, I cant find a way to start it. Maybe because i'm not entirely interested with the topics they gave me (which were our Skills Summit 2012 and The Kusina Master Competition where two students from our course won), or i'm just too lazy and procrastinating. But really, i need to come up with something! If my article gets published, i'll be exempted in our case study for one of my major subjects. I mean, c'mon?! One article is equal to one manuscript of information overlooooad! O.o I need to start as soon as possible.

          And so, enough of my nonsense rants. I'll just enjoy this bed weather with a Game of Thrones marathon and some popcorn. Bye! :)

Love Is All About Adventure

Where to go? Whenever he and I are together, we tend to go to places randomly, and sometimes unintentionally. J

1. MALLS ARE NUMBER ONE.

          Our most usual place to sit, eat and talk is the Gateway Mall Food Court. Why? Because the chairs are oh-so comfortable. J We'd stay there for hours with food and drinks brought from the grocery.

Air conditioned. Chairs. Tables. Food. Drinks. Need anything more?

          SM City North Edsa is the second option. But normally, we'd go there if we're to watch a movie or eat at some fancy restaurant, only because they are so many to choose from.

   

We'd stroll from place to place... To where our feet would lead us. J

2. WE ALSO HAVE A THING FOR HISTORICAL PLACES.

          We've been to Rizal Park in Luneta where we'd walk and wait for the dancing fountain. They're really amazing, especially at night where you can see the colorful lights.

You can never go wrong with parks. J

          Another one is the Quezon Memorial Circle. Before, we go there to practice flairtending. But now, we’d sit on the benches and watch joggers pass by, groups of teens playing sports and families having picnic.

 

I miss flairtending. :|

          And the most memorable one is Intramuros. We went there for the sake of our Rizal subject. We visited the San Agustin Church, the Rizal Shrine and Fort Santiago. Why memorable? Not because it is a historical landmark, but because it is where we became officially in a relationship. J

These are all me because he likes to take the picture... Not to be in the picture.

3. WHAT’S MORE TO SEE?

          There are lots of places we'd like to see and explore. As of now, we plan on going to museums, theaters and parks. They're not the most likely places for dates, but we're kind of a weird couple… So be it. J

He's a Keeper

Simple gestures and acts of love and thoughtfulness is something that I admire about him.

• He’s always there to give me things I don't even ask.
• He watches over me even when there are instances I don't feel that he’s physically around.
• He opens an umbrella for me even if the sun’s heat is not too hot or the rain pouring hard.
• He holds my hand and waist when we walk just to make sure that I don’t trip and fall because of my inborn clumsiness.
• He makes and brings me lunch to school (even though he doesn't have classes) because he knows that I eat lunch later than 2:00PM because of my class schedule.
• He pinches my arms, lips and cheeks because he loves making them red even if he knows that it sometimes annoys me.
• He often talks or messages me in Jejemon language even if he knows that I totally hate it.
• He crushes my hands so hard (they feel like breaking) but he doesn't care and kisses them after.
• He likes to smell and kiss my hands which I find a little weird.
• He messages me every morning and every night even if he knows that I won't reply (usually, it’s either I'm asleep or has no load).
• He always asks how my day was even if he knows where I have been or what I've been doing.
• He asks me random, nonsense, humorous questions such as, “Ilang butas ang meron sa Skyflakes?”
• He stares at me when I eat because he finds it cute.
• He takes tons of pictures of me without me knowing (stalker alert!).
• He waits for my classes to finish just so we could go home together.
• And he never fails to make me smile and laugh whether I'm in a good or bad mood.

These simple things might look and sound stupid to others, but for me… They're everything. He makes me feel very loved, happy and appreciated.

And for the best boyfriend-bestfriend in the world...

I LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH, BES. :”>
Foreverrr and alwaysss. <3

Just Sorry.

          Hmmm, how to start? Yes, I have read what you wrote and I completely understand how you feel. You may have written it in a way that it wouldn't sound or look like you're saying it directly to me, but i know what you're trying to tell or let me know.

          I'm sorry if things didn't work out between the two of you. I'm sorry if you felt like he left or turned his back on you for someone like me. And i'm sorry if you are hurt, sad or crying over what has happened. I never meant to intrude or break him apart from you. But to state a fact, even before he and I became close, he already felt that there was nothing to hope or wait for..He may not be my first boyfriend, but he makes me really happy.

          The reason why I'm saying that i completely understand you is because i have felt the same thing before. That feeling that you love a person who is in love with someone else. Yes, i've been hurt before and the process of moving on kills, not physically, but emotionally and spiritually. It makes you think of things like not being good enough, the things you've done to make him leave, or simply just feeling alone because your heart is breaking and it's hopeless and no one will understand what you're going through. It's hard, but eventually it will pass. You may forgive, but i know you won't forget.

          I may not be in the position to say anything, but i didn't mean to hurt you. I know that you have blocked us from Facebook, and it's okay. It's your choice anyway. I also know that you have friends who look after us and know every detail of your side of the story, because i have received new followers. But just so you know, i have tried to make him talk to you to settle things, but he insists that you're mad and there's no point of trying to sort things out.

          You have the right to be mad. You have the right to be angry. You have the right to be upset. And you also have the right to be bitter. I don't mean to sound negative, but that's what i think you are when i read your blogs. Yes, i'm a fan of your writing. I find the things you write about very interesting. In fact, i envy you, because you write very well.

          Anyway, you may find the things i'm writing stupid, mean and heartbreaking, but i'm just expressing what i feel. Like you said, it's a free country. If you get hurt from what you're seeing or reading, then just simply stop. No one's forcing you to know everything about him and me anyway. It will always be your choice. But just a piece of advice, clinging to the past won't help you move on. It will just keep everything worse because you still hold on to something that's no longer worth holding to. So, learn to let go. The process may be long, but for sure all these things will lead you to something good and more than what you actually deserve or hope for. God has plans for everyone. So once again, i'm really sorry.

Worth A Thousand Words? Or More?

WHAT'S THE BUZZ?

          Lately, this picture had been the talk of our friends, classmates, schoolmates, and even professors. Seriously, what's wrong with this? People had been asking me and my close friend if we are together like boyfriend-girlfriend. Honestly, do we look like we are in this??? O.o

          The truth is, we're not. He and I are just very close friends. We treat each other in a special way, but no strings attached. But what makes me wonder is... Why does everyone make this picture such a big deal? Obviously, it made a huge hit on Facebook and people suddenly asks and teases us. Even those whom I haven't talked to ever since approached and asked. There's not one day that I wasn't teased to him. Sometimes I just want to say "we're together" even if we're not just to make them stop.

          But despite of all these recent issues and happenings, i'm very much happy. My studies are doing great, my condition's becoming better, i have opportunities in line, and i have a bestfriend (the guy in the picture) who's always there for me. :)

I just hope everything goes well in the coming days, weeks and years.:)

Lucky I'm In Love With My Bestfriend

          There are times that when I feel so much happiness, I tend to write in the most crappy way. So now, I'd say sorry before anything else. If there'd be such grammatical errors, it only means that I'm too overwhelmed writing that part. ;))

June 10, 2013

          It was raining. Just what I wanted. :) A close friend and I decided to meet up for the first time to watch a movie and eat out. Our plan was to meet at Gateway Mall around 10am, then go together to SM City North Edsa, (Because I didn't know how to commute going there.) for the movie. We kinda went mall-hopping. Haha. =)) Anyway, the moment I saw him, all I wanted was to reach out and hug him so tight. And so did he. :) It lasted for only about 3 to 5 seconds, but the feeling lasted like forever. :) I missed him terribly. I don't know why. Unexplainable is some way. But yeah. :"> He was kinda tired from his trip going to Gateway Mall. FYI, he went all the way from Caloocan and his trip took him almost two hours because of the traffic and the rain as well. :| So, we decided to sit for a while at the food court. We chat, laugh, and stare at each other. (Weird, huh?) But we're happy. :)

          At around 12nn, we finally went off to SM City North Edsa. We took the bus. He told me some things he and his friends do whenever riding the bus. How they trick the ticket officer which result to them not paying for the fare; how they offer seats to ladies or old people who happen to get on the bus just when every seat was already taken, and so much more. He has this way of telling stories like you're actually in it. And I love it when he never ran out of things to tell or say. :))

          We arrived at SM North and the first thing we did was look for a place to eat, because he's hungry already. We walked and walked and walked. And finally, he decided to eat at Tokyo Tokyo. Honestly, I wasn't hungry yet during that time, but he ordered a lot. I kinda felt guilty 'coz i didn't eat much. And it was such a waste for my part. He did finish his, but mine looked like only half was eaten. :|

          So anyway, after we ate, we went to the movies. We watched Bangkok Haunted 4. Yes, a horror film. Why? Coz we had a dare. =)) Hahaha. :)) Well, the movie wasn't scary at all, but there were parts where you'd really wince because of the sound effects. And whenever i get creeped out, i'd hit him in the arm. Hahaha. =)) Poor arm. He might have got marks because of my slaps. XD We did enjoy it, but we regret watching it. Waste of money. Should have watched "Now You See Me".

          Qaulity time! We went around the mall with no particular place to go to. Just walked and walked and walked.Talked and talked and talked. I had so much fun with him. I wanted the day not to last. But sadly, all good things come to an end. :( We rode the bus again going back to Gateway Mall and he walked me to the terminal where I'd take the jeepney going home. Before I left, I gave him something. I hope he liked it. :)

          And so, future plans are yet to come. :)) I'm just so happy. :) I'd like to thank him for taking me out. It was such a date to remember.

THANK YOU, BES. :">

You know how lucky I am to have you. <3

Your Love Is Everything

          Despite all the problems and changes I have had, God continues to bless me with so much more. It is definitely true what everyone says. He's always good. He doesn't ignore or abandon us. He always has the time to listen to all of our prayers. He may not answer them right away, but for sure He has plans. He always does. We just have to wait for the moment to come, when the time is right. I've never been this thankful all my life. Maybe because I've been thinking, what have I done so good and rewarding that I deserve all these? Overwhelming happiness, unconditional love, strong family, great friends and fulfilled contentment. What more could I ask for? All together, everything's just so perfect.

THANK YOU LORD... JUST FOR LOVING ME. :)

Hello, June.

          Happy June 1st! :D Honestly, what's with the month of June? It makes me feel weirdly overwhelmed, excited and great! =)) I woke up expecting a call... That actually never came due to "expected" circumstances. -_- Well, phone battery drainage happens all the time. Besides, he's not even home. He's at his friend's house. Effortwise, (Is there such a word?) he posted a message on my Facebook saying wake up in all caps. As if that would wake and separate me from my oh-so-comfy bed. Hahaha. =))

(Photo taken from the Internet)

          But anyway, June makes me think of cold and wet. Why? Because it's officially the start of the rainy season! :D I love rain. It's my favorite weather. I'd exchange summer for it. :) But yeah. Not everyone would like something like that. Of course, summer means going to the beach, getting tan and having dips in the pool. Something, I'm limited to.

But, enough of summer. It's Juuuuune! =))

(Photo taken from the Internet)

          Almost two weeks from now, classes would start again. :) Excited? Verrrrrry! =)) That feeling of realizing that i'm one year away from graduating and getting a degree is just... WOW. :) I miss my friends and classmates. I miss being at school. I miss being stressed. (I know i'll regret that soon.) I miss wearing my uniform. I miss everything about it. Can't wait to experience everything all again. :D

          As of the moment, i get to enjoy one of my hobbies once again. Playing the guitar.:D It was highschool when i last played the guitar. What I mean by play is that actually learning and performing songs. And right now, i'm trying this one out:

"Try" - Jayesslee Cover (Originally by Pink)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PNUJcyxRAp4

I love the melody. And the chords are easy and repetitive. :))

(Photo taken from the Internet)

          By the way, i now have a SoundCloud. :) Yes, i just joined a community of artists. Hahaha. =)) Just "feeling" like one, but not actually a good one. But anyway, feel free to visit it whenever there's time. But I warn you. I'm not a good singer, nor a good player of any musical instrument. So please, bear my song covers. Hahaha. =))

Here's the link to my soundcloud:

https://soundcloud.com/angelicabaracena

Happy listening! :)

Through It All Just Stand Up

          It's been a year and so since I was diagnosed with an illness. Normally, I don't feel comfortable whenever I talk about this. But I guess, the reason why i'm writing this now is the thought that eventually, everyone will know.

          It was on the 28th day of January, year 2012, when the results came out. Yeah... My 20th birthday. Surprise! What a great way of celebrating and embracing the breakthrough of my teenage years. It was just so heartbreaking to hear everything straight from my doctor. And while all the information are thrown right into my face, one question was all I can think about... WHY ME?

          So before anything else, let me tell you a brief background of what caused all this drama. SLE or Systemic Lupus Erythematosus hit me like a big yellow school bus. Okay... Maybe I'm being too exaggerated there, but that would be a good analogy to express what I felt the moment I knew.

          Out of curiosity and frustration, I kinda made some research about it. Thanks to modern technology and Google, it became easier to absorb and understand everything. According to Medline Plus, SLE is a long-term autoimmune disorder that may affect the skin, joints, kidneys, brain, and other organs. The body's immune system mistakenly attacks healthy tissue, which leads to long-term inflammation. But until today, the underlying cause of autoimmune diseases is not fully known. SLE is much more common in women than men. It may occur at any age, but appears most often in people between the ages of 10 and 50.

          Symptoms vary from person to person, and may come and go. Almost everyone with SLE has joint pain and swelling. Some develop arthritis. Frequently affected joints are the fingers, hands, wrists, and knees. Other common symptoms include: chest pain when taking a deep breath, fatigue, fever with no other cause, general discomfort, uneasiness or malaise, hair loss, mouth sores, swollen lymph nodes, sensitivity to sunlight, and skin rash -- a "butterfly" rash over the cheeks and bridge of the nose affects about half of people with SLE. The rash gets worse in sunlight. The rash may also be widespread.

A butterfly rash looks something like this.

(Photo taken from the Internet)


Skin rash appears commonly in the hands. They sometimes itch, but they hurt like sunburn.
(Photo taken from the Internet)

There are also times that my eyes gets red for no reason. They're known as eye rash.
(Photo taken from the Internet)

          What hurts the most is that there is no cure for SLE. And like cancer, it's a chronic illness. You get by with it. You grow old with it. The only way to get through it is to accept the fact that eventually, you'll have to leave this happy, awful but wonderful, and unfair place called earth. And to tell the truth, my biggest fear is... death.

          I have experienced being bedridden for one whole week, completely depending on the support of the people taking care of me, my parents and my older brother. I was a useless, paralyzed body dumped in a bed of hopelessness and frailty. A good for nothing. I can't move any part of my body for every flinch I make would be equivalent to a thousand syringe shots. Going to the bathroom was even worse. It's like taking a walk into hell. Every step of the way was more painful than the last one

          To reduce the pain, my doctor gave me medicines. Tons of them. The goal of treatment is to control symptoms. As of now, i think i'm having 7 kinds of drugs, all to be taken on a specific time daily. Imagine how high I can be. Hahaha. =)) Kidding. But I don't get overdosed with these stuff. I just get side effects like a swollen face, which i hate the most because my face gets all round and chubby, and a difficulty in getting enough sleep. Insomnia. I get that all the time.

          What's good about these meds is that they do change, depending on the results of my laboratory tests. Whenever I have my check-up, which happens every three months, my doctor would study my results and decide whether to increase or decrease drug dosages and/or add or lessen the amount of intakes. She would always ask how am I doing or if I'm still attending school. Because according to her, people with SLE must avoid stress and tiredness. They are big NO-NOs. I must get complete rest and sleep whenever possible, or else my illness would trigger.

          Sometimes, it's really hard to follow some of the rules that complicates my illness. One of these is the fact that I still go to school. There was a time when my parents asked me if I would still continue my studies despite the fact that there will be limits and changes that I have to consider. Without hesitation, I answered them with a YES. Of course, I would want to finish school. I want to have a degree. I want to pursue my chosen career. I want to earn and save and spend and share the fruits of my labor. It's the only thing I can hold on to and give back to my parents in exchange for the sacrifices they did for me. I want them to be happy.

          As of now, my illness is at ease. The symptoms are physically absent. But from time to time, there would be hints of small red spots, rashes on my face and sudden joint pains. But they're all bearable. All is good. All I need is some rest and a pain reliever to make sure everything will be okay.

          For some people, this illness of mine is no longer new to them. I have told some of my relatives and close friends about it. They were pretty sad, but very supportive and encouraging in some way. My friends would sometimes make fun of me saying I'm a modern-day vampire. Haha. =)) But it doesn't get into me. I'm even happier because they still accept me despite my condition. There was also a time when I forgot my umbrella and it was such a hot, sunny day. (FYI: One thing that I should always have with me is my umbrella. As much as possible, I should not expose myself to sunlight or else... I might transform into a bat. Hahaha. =)) Joking.) What my friends did is that they opened all their umbrellas for me. And I was like an instant princess along with my minions covering for me. I truly love my friends. They are for keeps. :)

          That one question I asked myself before, (Let me refresh you... WHY ME?) it longer crosses my mind. Because now, I definitely know the answer. Instead of interpreting it as a curse, I might as well accept it as blessing. God has chosen me to be in this position. I don't know exactly why, but I'm sure He has an OH-SO-GREAT plan for me. :) Sometimes I would say to myself, maybe the reason why He gave me this is because He knows I'm strong enough to take it and there would be no other person perfect for it. I am so glad that He made me realize how beautiful life is no matter how many problems, changes and challenges gets thrown at you. He gave me more reasons to smile, more things to be thankful for, a family to keep, more friends to treasure and a bestfriend to stay with me until the end. :)

There will always be a reason to smile. :)

(Photo taken on May 7, 2013)

I have always loved this quote from the book "The Fault In Our Stars" by John Green. :)

Almost everyone is obsessed with leaving a mark upon the world. Bequeathing a legacy. Outlasting death. We all want to be remembered. I do, too. That‘s what bothers me most, is being another unremembered casualty in the ancient and inglorious war against disease. I want to leave a mark.

And whenever I stumble upon these thoughts, I would just listen to this song.
Listen here. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5sgjHlF84Yc

If the mind keeps thinking you've had enough.

But the heart keeps telling you "don’t give up".

Who are we to be questioning, wondering what is what?

Don’t give up, through it all, just stand up. 

And this is how I intend to live starting today. :) <3